Ron became an advocate

Ron became an advocate

A love story beyond memory

The first signs were subtle. A second pill placed on the nightstand instead of the usual one. A burnt frying pan discovered in the garbage. These small moments of confusion and memory lapses were the earliest whispers of what would become a decade-long journey with dementia for one Calgary couple.

"She knew before I did," Ron Freckleton recalls, remembering his wife's defensive response when he questioned the extra medication. "I don't have Alzheimer's!" she had shouted in a moment of clarity and fear that, in retrospect, marked the beginning of their new reality.

Ron’s wife Joanie was 69 when these changes began. Though they never sought a formal diagnosis - a choice made out of respect for her feelings about the condition - their life together gradually transformed as her cognitive abilities declined over the next ten years.

Finding joy in routine

Despite the challenges, Ron and Joanie found ways to maintain normalcy and dignity. Every week, they would visit the same Superstore at the same time, choosing the same cashier. It was a routine that provided comfort to Joanie, who had once been a cashier herself.

"The people in the store would be used to us coming like clockwork, and they started recognizing us and waving," he shares. "It was a really nice routine and allowed me to feel normal."

Ron learned to adapt his communication style and approach to their new reality. "I had to change my jokes, as well as how I would naturally react to situations," he explains. Rather than correcting mistakes or engaging in repetitive conversations, he chose compassion and patience - the path of least resistance that preserved her dignity.

"There was no point in arguing, and there was no need for me to get mad at her," he reflects, even when faced with challenging behaviours like when she called the police to their home during an argument or when she locked him out of the house when he took the garbage out.

Final moments and new beginnings

In 2014, Ron and their family doctor agreed that, because of her worsening condition, Joanie should move into a continuous care facility. After only three months, Joanie was hospitalized with a chronic abdomen condition. She passed away three days after admission to the palliative care unit of the hospital. In those three days, Ron was at her bedside reminding Joanie of the loving life they had shared.

"I talked to her for 61 hours about all the wonderful things we had done in our lives," he says - a farewell gesture that would later inspire his writing.

Following her passing, Ron moved into the retirement community he had selected months earlier to be close to Joanie. This new chapter in his life would also mark the beginning of his relationship with Alzheimer Calgary and his emergence as an advocate for dementia awareness.

From grief to public advocacy

Ron’s journey as an advocate began with an essay about his final hours with Joanie, meant for close family and friends. It evolved into a book about their life together. Written in just three months, the book was a healing process for Ron that became a way to support others.

"My grief was gone after writing the essay," he notes. The book signings that followed created unexpected connections: "I heard from many people, 'I really got something out of your story. I'm so grateful for what you shared.'"

Ron donates all proceeds from book sales to Alzheimer Calgary, marking the beginning of his deep involvement with the organization. Though he hadn't used their services during Joanie's illness - "I didn't seek any help; didn't even think of it. It's a guy thing," he admits - he recognized the tremendous value they offered to families facing similar challenges.

His support for Alzheimer Calgary has taken many creative forms. From growing dahlias at his lodge and launching an "Adopt a Dahlia" fundraiser to creating annual calendars and organizing "Walkers Walk" events where residents parade with their walkers, his advocacy work combines creativity with community engagement.

In recognition of his efforts, he received the Jeanne Bentley award (named after Alzheimer Calgary's founder) and was asked to serve as Ambassador for the organization's Walk and Run fundraiser in 2019. That same year, United Way invited him to join their Speakers Bureau, where he delivers "Impact Speeches" to encourage corporate financial support.

When he speaks publicly about dementia, Ron keeps his presentations brief but powerful, always allowing himself to be vulnerable. "I warn people that I'm going to get emotional when I talk about when Joanie and I would sit together, looking at our flower garden, and drinking wine - the old times," he shares.

Insights from the journey

Through his experiences, Ron has developed profound insights into the nature of dementia and the needs of both those living with the condition and their caregivers.

"I think some of the behaviour that we see in people with dementia stems from insecurity and a desire to be independent," he observes. "They have a need to secure the future and are really uncomfortable with what is happening."

His advice to those newly facing a dementia diagnosis is practical and compassionate: "Seek a doctor who is knowledgeable in geriatrics. And get your loved one out into society. Both the person and the caregiver can still enjoy life. Your world gets smaller when you don't get out."

He recalls taking Joanie shopping and giving her $10 to spend while he waited outside the store. "She would often buy cake mixes because she loved the pictures on the packages," he remembers fondly.

A message to supporters

When asked what he wishes people understood about dementia, Ron’s response emphasizes dignity and inclusion: "The person with dementia has a brain disease, and it is still perfectly appropriate for them to be in society; the more you have them out, the more people will understand the disease."

To donors who support Alzheimer Calgary's work, his message is clear and urgent: "Funds are needed to provide the crucial support that caregivers of people with Alzheimer's and other dementias need. The respite that comes along with people attending Club 36 (an adult day program) is amazing and it's absolutely necessary. As are the educational sessions and support from the Dementia Support Navigators. “A lot of people don't understand how critical this support is."

Looking ahead, Ron sees progress and hope. "Progress has been huge in the 10 years I've been involved. I can see it with Alzheimer Calgary and at the Lodge where I live. I believe I've made a difference here with the programs and fundraisers I've initiated to create awareness of the disease."

From a husband navigating the heartbreaking loss of his beloved wife to an award-winning advocate changing community perceptions, Ron’s journey embodies resilience, compassion, and the power of turning personal tragedy into community support. Through his continued advocacy, the memory of Joanie and their love story lives on, helping countless others navigate their own journeys with dementia

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