Meet Allison and Lynn

Meet Allison and Lynn

Embrace the Adventures, Follow the Joy

When Allison Moore's mother, Lynn, a fan of The History Channel's TV personality, Dusty Crum - the "Python Wildman," announced she was hesitant to go to the Florida Everglades to see the star, Allison gently encouraged her. "I have a feeling that once we go there, you're not going to want to leave," she said with a smile. On the drive back from their alligator-watching adventure, Lynn declared it was one of the best trips they had ever taken.

This is what caregiving looked like for Allison - a deliberate practice of saying "yes, and..." instead of accepting limitations. As Lynn navigated cognitive decline, Allison crafted an unconventional approach: embrace the adventures, follow the joy, and let the world surprise them both.

The Art of Saying Yes

Allison lived across the street from her mother's condo in Calgary, close enough to help but far enough for independence. When in Florida, where they spent winters together while Allison worked remotely, they shared the same space. The proximity allowed Allison to notice changes in Lynn - changes in her voice, or decision-making challenges. But what didn't change was her capacity for delight.

"She was often in such good spirits," Allison recalls. "I kept her distracted and supported." But "distraction" feels like the wrong word for what was happening. It wasn't  avoidance; it was intentional joy-seeking.

One winter in Florida, Allison discovered that a TV personality famous for hunting pythons in the Everglades owned a pizza place nearby, so what did she do? She took Lynn there in the off chance they would meet him! They got lucky - Dusty Crum, the world famous snake hunter himself, walked in. Lynn was thrilled. Later, Allison surprised her with a three-hour swamp buggy tour where she sat next to Dusty, chatting away. At the end, he told her, "I love you, Mom!"

"At that moment," Allison recalls, "nobody was higher in her estimation than Dusty."

New Orleans, Complete with Vampires and Wookiees

Following the border reopening after the pandemic, Allison promised Lynn that she would help her reconnect to her New Orleans roots. Lynn was born there before immigrating to Canada in 1974. During the lockdowns, Allison had pored over old family letters and documents to map out a tour of former homes, schools, and restaurants her mom had known in the 1960s and ‘70s. To their delight, all of the locations were still standing, and Lynn was able to recall her memories of these places while making new ones there with Allison.

"I am so glad that my mom kept the envelopes for all of our family letters," Allison says. "I was able to pull many addresses from them and restaurants from photos."

One restaurant, Arnaud's, went above and beyond to make their visits special. "One of their team members, Cali, toured mom through the history of the restaurant and she adored him," Allison shares. "He created such a special night for her."

Participating in Mardi Gras events was particularly exciting. Through Allison's work producing the Calgary Expo's POW! Parade of Wonders, they connected with New Orleans' Intergalactic Krewe of Chewbacchus, whose motto - 'Get in where you fit in' - truly shone as they welcomed Lynn and Allison with open Wookiee arms. The Krewe of super nerds believes in joining together to craft, costume, parade, and socialize, building stronger connections and a better world. Lynn delighted in assembling tiny pink Chewbacca Lego pieces with the Pinkwookiee Krewe for parade throws. The crafting allowed her to contribute and join the community without needing the stamina to march in the multi-hour parade.

Inspired by the kindness and creativity of the Vampiric Council of New Orleans, Allison joined them to celebrate the 'Queen of Darkness' and participate in her first ever Mardi Gras parade. She brought Lynn - a former Mardi Gras Queen herself - to the pre-parade party where she was able to celebrate with a fellow Queen on her special day, surrounded by the most creative and welcoming gathering of vampires. "Watching my mom joyfully watching people, surrounded by vampires adjusting their costumes and makeup, is a memory I will always cherish," Allison shares. Through embracing these adventures, Allison and Lynn were joyfully welcomed back to New Orleans by a new generation of revelers.

Meeting Her Where She Was At

What made Allison's approach work so well wasn't just the adventures, it was her willingness to meet her mother where she was. When Lynn fixated on needing Windex immediately, Allison didn't fight it. "All right, Mom. That's what we're doing today." When she joked about being radioactive after her PET scan or said her brain was "empty," Allison laughed alongside her.

"I didn't get upset when she did something unusual," Allison says. "If she made mistakes, I just asked, 'Mom, what happened?' Not 'Why did you do this?' "

The Weight of Waiting

"Is there a chance she's not going to remember who I am?" Allison wondered at the time. "Or will she pass before that? There's no definitive answer. I'll never know."

When Lynn started her first dementia medication, everything felt more real. "I learned it didn't bring anything back, it's just supposed to slow things down," Allison shared. “That was hard to process.”

Part of Allison’s ability to navigate the journey was knowing when she needed space and support. So, as she awaited her mother’s PET scan results, she arranged to have an otherwise free day to allow for time and space to process the news. She also asked a family friend to attend the neurologist appointment because she knew she wouldn’t be able to hear everything the doctors had to say.

Yet even as she anticipated the formal diagnosis, Allison reminded herself: "Tomorrow, she won’t be a different person. What we’re dealing with is exactly the same as what we were dealing with yesterday."

Seek Light

What can other caregivers, friends and family learn from Allison's approach? Perhaps it's this: Don't let fear of unpredictability keep you isolated. Don't let embarrassment keep you home. Find the spaces where judgment disappears. Seek out experiences that make your loved one light up. For Allison’s mom, it was bird watching, and visits with babies and dogs. So, Allison sought those things out.

“I think if my mom felt shame and embarrassment, it came from societal expectations, especially because of her Southern upbringing. She put up more resistance when she thought people might be judging her. When I could see she was feeling that way, I always tried to reassure her it's okay and talk through it. Babies and dogs don't notice, and when we were surrounded by other seniors, she says, ‘These are my people.’ “

She also adjusted to a new era where she learned to prioritize her own care.

"Nobody benefits from being around me when I'm overworked," she says simply.

Joy is Possible. Joy is the Point

Some of their adventures: a trip to Las Vegas to see Barry Manilow for Mother's Day. A visit from Lynn’s best friend from university and a sing-along together at a 1960s-themed concert featuring their favourite, Little Anthony. And somewhere in there, a cosplay fashion show.

These weren't bucket list items checked off with desperation. They were invitations to wonder and experience life, offered with confidence that joy is still possible, still worthwhile, still the point.

"You can still have fun. You can still experience adventures," Allison insists. "The world is full of good people and friendly places."

Lynn also embraced her own philosophy: "Pour me an extra glass of wine, these are my final days. I deserve it. I have earned this." No fear, no shame, just gratitude for every remaining moment.

Allison held onto what mattered: her mother's laughter, her openness to adventure, and her ability to say "I love it!" when told she's radioactive.

Adventures are waiting.

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